Most of us have been that person or is close to someone that has a problem or many problems and complains about it excessively. In the dynamic I’m going to discuss they/we complain and that’s all that happens. Change doesn’t happen. The pain point doesn’t go away. The action plan is simply to complain and be negative. This goes for bitching and moaning. Whining and groaning count as well. We get trapped in a closed loop and can’t get out.
There is a world where we tell our story and disclose something thats troubling us and through that disclosure we can experience some relief. That’s the natural way we attempt to desensitize ourselves to our story and circumstance-by telling the story over and over. When that turns into incessant complaining there’s a problem.
Most obstacles can be faced and solved. They have to be faced first though. People in situations that have problems that absolutely can’t be solved I notice don’t actually complain much about it.
I want to illuminate some of the reasons behind why we complain but actually when solving the problem is possible we won’t.
First off, change is scary. Change usually means going into the unknown. Even in negative situations at least we’re familiar. That’s the “devil we know”. Remember when we talked about that before?
What’s the cost of doing something about our problems?
Possibly cost us friendships or some other form of connection.
It will require effort and exertion and we’ll have to be inventive to figure out a new way to live.
Accessing the creative part of ourselves to solve problems is difficult because change is scary and when we feel fear we’re often locked out of the part of our brain that performs complex problem solving and critical thinking.
Another important factor to consider is assessing our threshold for failure. What happens if we try to fix/solve a problem but fail? How many times can you fail before you feel totally defeated? Will this cause some form of depression?
Another factor and quite possible my favorite about deserving. Do we deserve better than what we have? This one is a bit insidious. We belief that we have the life and circumstances that we currently have, broken and dysfunctional or not, because that’s all we deserve or is our “destiny”. What?
That’s the done bad, been bad, or just plain been convinced that we’re bad or lower level person that is getting what we deserve in life. No better, no worse.
And many many of us complain simply because it helps us to get sympathy and compassion. Maybe people will take care of us or not expect much of us.
The good news is that if you’re complaining you’re aware that there’s something amiss. The failure is that you don’t have an action plan to sort it out or you’re not executing on a plan if you have one.
So… We all have problems. Sometimes we solve our problems and sometimes just complain. There are an array of reason to not solve our problems but our natural human need is to grow and evolve so face your problems, take risks, make changes and execute on a plan.
What are the top three things/situations you complain about in your life?
Is solving the problem within your power?
What will you lose if you solve the problem?
What are the main factors you’d need to put in place to solve your top complaint?
What would happen is you didn’t solve the problem but you quit complaining about it?