Everyone I know believes they’re unloveable at one point or another. Some their whole lives. Damn! Because of this we all develop schemes or tactics to get the love we so desperately need. We please, we perform, we strike deals around money, or some other exchange or transaction.
Are you on the hamster wheel of feeding the monster of your transactions?
In order for this to occur our natural ability to know we deserve love, pleasure, connection, etc. must be broken. Unmitigated messages swirling around in our heads that turn into beliefs that we’re worthless, rotten shit, will bury the best of us in lies about ourselves. The trading and transactions are our only saving grace for receiving our birthright of love and significance. Or so we think.
When we devalue ourselves and our lives over time we slowly go to sleep and we can insidiously become nihilistic or fatalistic. We no longer can tell the difference between real connections with deep intimacy and the surface deals we’ve been running. If we don’t value ourselves or our lives somewhere along the way nothing really matters anymore. It’s common for us to not value anything or anyone else.
Unhealthy dynamics continually being played out become the norm.
I play a role in exchange for you playing a role.
I’ll give you my power if you promise not to leave me.
We do have glimpses of ourselves in this process but find it nearly impossible to escape the dynamic.
Why is it hard to break the deals we create?
It comes down to safety. It’s safer to not buck the trend, better to not risk or breaking the deal and actually finding out if we’re lovable without “paying” for it. It’s also difficult to believe in ourselves amidst social imprinting that we’re broken and/or something is wrong with us. But we must take that risk and find out the truth.
Are we lovable without the transactions? What would it be like to stop the okey dokey’s that we give to one another to ignore the truth, play the games, and just keep cranking the transaction machine?
The answer is likely that we need to take that leap of faith. To see if we can form relationships from our hearts and souls rather than working deals. My experience is that it takes time but we can form relationships based off of love and value and have real intimacy. We find that we’re lovable, worthy, and valuable.
When we regain or get back in touch with the value of your life we start to want to spend these soul dollars we have in ways that honor ourselves and god.
The opportunity:
Who in your life do you have the most transactional relationship with?
What would a leap of faith look like to shift from transactional to soulful connection?
Where do you want to spend your soul dollars that honors you (and god if that makes sense to you)?