When I look at making a change or supporting someone else to make one I have a basic framework to assess why they are the way they are to begin with. I believe we’re the way we are for reasons that we likely don’t fully understand. I also believe that there are powerful parts of our psyche at play that are geared towards keeping our lives exactly the same.
I think that the entity inside ourselves in charge of that has the job description of “stay in bed with the devil we know”. This is likely not news to most of you. We’re wired to be drawn towards familiar things in our lives even when it’s bad. That’s what the “certainty” neuromarker will do. Keep things stable, certain, and familiar.
One of our main motivations in life, if not the main thing motivating us all, is connection. Whether those connections be light and of the acquaintance variety or tight, deep, intimate, loving, and soul burning we align ourselves relative to what will most likely get us connections. And they don’t have to be perfect they just have to be close or most alike to the ones we’re after. Think about that for a second… we’ve been training ourselves our whole lives to transmit and receive signals to build a connection as our number one priority. Oftentimes meaning at whatever cost.
Connections is a good thing and I support it… on one hand. I argue that the quality of our connections is predicated on how committed we are to finding and being ourselves. If we lose our autonomy in our pursuit of connections we lose balance and although exciting may not be healthy and sustainable in the long run.
So what if what we think is a connection is actually us just running a script with one another as a predesigned game that we’ve been imprinted with?
Here’s where things get a bit warped, what if a part of that script and imprinting causes us to like things when their bad, maybe even especially when they’re bad? And yet we act like we don’t like it. We act like we’re hell bent on things being different and say all the time how we’re going to change.
We talk about it, we complain about it, we make big commitments, and we do all kinds of madness… yet we stay the same.
We get people to commiserate with us, we feel sadness, disappointment, shame, and yet we do nothing and stay the same…
No matter the quality of the sensation felt it keeps us going back for more. And more. And more. Is it time to face the masochistic tendencies that may be going on? I mean, come on?! It’s bad and horrible and we don’t like it but we keep doing it. We keep staying in situations that “feel” that way.
I’m not just talking about the payoffs like laziness, complaining, victim hood, or other attention receiving things, I’m talking about a chemical response with physical sensations that are created.
Think for a second here about how exhilarating it is to feel disappointment. Fight through your resistance to admit that it might just be the way you “get” to feel intense emotion and sensations in your body. Hatred… you bet. Powerful, right? If you didn’t feel these negative things what would you feel and where would you get your fix?
If you want to change you have to admit that you get something out of what’s happening in your life. You have to tell yourself the truth about how much you like being the way you are. And then you have to choose to value something more than that, no matter how foreign it is. If you want peace in your life but continue to engage in powerful negative, or positive experiences, you’re lying to yourself.
You’re not a victim and you do have a choice. Let’s find out why you choose what you choose.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor E. Frankl
What is/are the thing(s) you say you don’t like but continue to create?
What is the higher vibration experience you need to align yourself towards at any cost?
Can you see where you get off on giving your power away? What do you get out of that?
Thanks for your time, have a great day!