I have a basic model that I live and teach to individuals when it comes to organizing relationships. Of course I like them neat and tidy, organized and categorized. I’m sure you’re aware of the reality that all of us have relationships of varying degrees of closeness or intimacy. The model goes off of us having concentric rings of deepening intimacy. The further into the center of the rings the more intimacy there is in the relationship. And… since we’re all in need of updating most of the systems that we live life through this model acts as a way to examine and come to new illumination with our relationships.
You see, we’re imprinted with the idea that certain people are supposed to be close to us and certain people in our sphere aren’t. Often times this can mean we seek intimacy with people in inappropriate ways. Not only that, we want intimacy but we have an entity inside us that’s terrified of it. Oh boy… then the games begin.
Here’s my suggestion, take a look at a handful of the individuals that you have the highest amount of interface with in your daily life. Got it? Do you have appropriate levels of intimacy with them? This goes for business, personal, social and institutional levels connections with people in your life.
- Do you need to move them towards the center of the rings? Do you have special people in your life that you don’t have the intimacy that is important to maintain and fulfill each persons deepest needs?
- Do you need to move them towards the outer rings? Meaning, is the reality that some of them are closer than they should be?
I’m also running a social experiment for the month of June where each Sunday I’m going to take some cash, go around for a while in the morning and give it away to homeless people who are looking for a little help. You know, the ones holding the signs standing on the corners.
Here’s what I’ve learned about myself lately. I’m still afraid of having a relationship in certain facets of society. That includes homeless people. I tell myself I don’t know how to connect with them and I’m still learning to adjust my bandwidth with good boundaries. I also admit that I have historically struggled to understand them. (Deeper truth is… I haven’t cared to.)
I’ve realized, at times, I given them money so that they’ll leave me alone and I won’t have to talk to them. Also I’m willing to admit that sometimes I’ve just ignore them and acted like I don’t hear them when they talk to me. My experiment is meant for me to examine what drives me to behave and make the choices I do that aren’t in alignment with my purpose in the world.
Stay tuned for further updates throughout the month with experiences and discoveries. And tell me what experiences you’ve had with either having relationships with incommensurate intimacy. There’s now a comments section in my blog for you to leave your thoughts. I welcome your thoughts and comments.