You know as well as I do that there’s a certain way to load the dishwasher. Right?! The same goes for folding laundry and making the bed. If you don’t do it the “right way” you’re just a bad person. Certainly not a person with any character whatsoever.

I was talking to a friend the other day. He was telling me that he’d like to be more patient with his partner. He told me that sometimes when they’re doing some particular task that he judges them for doing it differently than the way he does it. And by different he meant wrong.

He explains that they have a dishwasher. Anybody remember when they didn’t have a dishwasher? Anyway, he tells me that after dishes are used rather than put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher they’re often put into the sink. The sink. He said that it’s 8” from the sink to the dishwasher and was completely confused about why the dishes simply can’t be put directly into the dishwasher.

For those of you live with others, or work closely with others, do I have your attention yet?

When someone does x then they should do y. This is the way it’s done. Oftentimes the differences in the way we do things in my world means I’m right and you’re wrong. What is wrong with so many people?

Most of the time when we’re judging the people in our lives we transmit that we don’t accept them in a series of cues to let the person know all of that. The outcome is separation and disconnection, of course. When people do that to us we often tell them to fuck right off. Why wouldn’t others do the same to us?

Here’s what I’m thinking… we actually drive that wedge unknowingly but on purpose. We want to connect and be loved more than anything and at the same time we can hardly handle it. It’s the most terrifying thing we experience because once we have it we know it won’t last forever and there will be certain heartbreak.

The more we open our hearts the bigger the heartbreak and the more powerful the annihilation. Let’s face the fact that most of us are far less courageous than we’d like to believe about ourselves. I know I have been. The solution is to judge the fuck out of people so that you can focus on what’s not so great about them and save yourselves all that hassle. Hopefully you’ll do that judging so well that they’ll feel it and will withdraw as well. Problem solved.

The opportunity:

Who that you love bears the brunt of your judgements and projections?

What will it take to stop judging how those around you do arbitrary tasks that you make a big deal?

Are you strong enough to face the terror of deeper connection with those who are important to you?

Thanks for your time have a great day!