Significance is one of our basic human needs. We need it just like we need connections, certainty, and uncertainly. We need to be special. We need to be held as a person who is rare and important to a certain person or persons.
We seek this in certain relationships. For example, hopefully our “significant” other is both significant to us and we are to them. Or our best friend. Both of these examples are relationships that over time or with other factors have become rare and uncommon. There are plenty of other examples which may be unique to you.
The problem is when we go beyond a “healthy” yearning for significance, we become needy, and our drive to fill some lack drives us to be demanding of attention and call upon others to go out of their way for us. It then takes away from others in order to give to you. This is a vicious cycle that can take on a life if it’s own and eventually, yeah, we can get strung out on it.
Some of us either are narcissistic and/or extremely self oriented or are in relationships with people who are narcissistic and extremely self oriented. In these dynamics there’s more energy going one way and not the other between the people in the relationships. We’ve all been in this type of dynamic.
All of this happens because there’s a special place in each of us that’s wired to receive this and like the rest of us it can be corrupted. We can become masters of manipulating others in countless scenarios to simply take care about our own needs and our own agenda. We’ve all been around someone like this or been someone like this so this is likely easy to identify.
This is such a commonality in the world that marketing has you driving your whole life to be special and unique. Deserving. Entitled. Expecting. Here’s the deal though, you’re not. The majority of us are normal, common, and average. Take that in for a minute or two…
You don’t deserve any more than anyone else. You’re not entitled to anything that you haven’t earned or spend energy into creating in the world. And when that balance is tinkered with there will always be someone getting the short end of the stick.
People who expect more, feel they deserve more, or are entitled have reasons for this that become delusions that can encompass their reality. The true test is to simply see their/your/my impacts and how they cause people to feel.
Where in your life are you overly concerned with yourself?
When in your life are you around a person or persons that care mostly for themselves?
How do you separate yourself from others?
How do you create abnormality?
Why do you want to be different?