Life is about holding and surrendering to the things that seem to be in conflict and tension to coexist.

Life is about balance and harmony. Every day I talk to people and strive to help them understand that we’re not so simple in just either/or situations. We’re much more both/and. It’s about some of many different things. I guess it’s easier to categorize things in piles of yes or no, right or wrong, and black or white. And don’t get me wrong, I love decisive, deliberate choices, but then again, it’s not alway just one way or the other.

So today I want to share my thoughts about how we bond in our intimate sexual relationships. We have two main channels that we share energy across. One is the pathway of love and the other is the pathway of desire. Those of you who know the work of Esther Perel will recognize some of this. These two energies that we transmit back and forth with our lovers is always in flux and varies in ratios. Isn’t life interesting.

The pathway of energy we call love is the safe, deep, friendship part. It’s the long term, trusting, snuggle on the couch and watch a movie kind of energy. It’s the notion of “having”. We feel happy and safe.

The pathway of energy we call desire is the exciting, spontaneous, lusty part. It’s the spontaneous, titilating, make out on the staircase on your way to the bedroom kind of energy. It’s the sensation of “wanting”. We yearn and ache.

Both of these are pretty damn important in a relationship that thrives and fulfills us. Sometimes we want or need love and sometimes we want or NEED to experience desire. Sometimes we want both and learning how to balance those is a major key to the finding the holy grail. When this goes haywire we will certainly start looking elsewhere for the next exciting, experience where we’re treating important and significant. We’ll go elsewhere to get that much needed attention.

Here’s where it gets interesting, we don’t want what we already have. And we’re wired to want what we can’t have and chase after what moves away from us. Obviously these two pathways/channels are in conflict with one another. They’re both needed and important but at the same time nearly impossible to coexist.

What’s the solution? Raising our consciousness. Paying attention. Getting to know ourselves and our partners. Doing these three things allows us to sync up and get into that flow that’s ever changing… together. A “dance”. We have to actually care about what our partners want and blend that with what we want too. We need to respect and care about them. And for the love of god, we need to communicate.

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