We’re socialized to compromise truth over connection. And most of our strategies for getting our needs met is predominantly unconscious.
In light of this, I believe our work in life is about learning to be true to ourselves amidst loss of connection. In order to do this we have to be able to be uncomfortable. Our programming and imprinting creates powerful sensations in our bodies with the purpose of getting us to act. Make the pain go away.
I’d like to think I’m a tough guy. That used to mean the old, broken “tough guy” identity, ego based that was actually pretty fragile. I’m still fragile today but I’ve also been cultivating a strong and grounded core that can harmonize my need for connections while not selling myself and others out when facing things that are difficult. The truth!
There are plenty of things in life that we don’t want to face: the unknown, sex, money, differences, our destructive nature, our yearning for power, there are countless things but lastly I’ll say death.
I have something for you to consider,
What if throughout our lives we’re simply training and building our capacity to face the end of everything we’ve ever known?
I’ll avoid being religious since I’m not looking for answers here and I believe that if you’re intent is to try to educate me or anyone else you’re missing the point of what I’m offering. I’m offering you the opportunity to sit with and face death. I don’t care what you think is on the other side because no matter what it’s going to be challenging.
If you believe the loss of your life partner, job, home, belonging, friends, and your health all at once isn’t going to take every bit of guts and require you to be tough as nails read no further.
I’m okay with a difference of opinion here but religion is what I believe is the attempt to explain what is not explainable. And, hey, I get it, the unknown is scary as hell! I’ve talked at length about our need for certainty and “having it all figured out”.
How many of you have been to a funeral or other service around death that felt plastic, clinical, and shallow? My argument is that’s because the deeper depths of pain, sorrow, and grief are just too scary and terrifying.
The way to do anything that’s hard is to build the capacity to do that over time. Slowly raising the stakes and pressure over time so we don’t crumble, fall apart, and close our hearts to the ravaging reality of grief.
We often want things that are hard to be over as fast as possible. Just think of the last time you did a forearm plank for a minute or two…
It requires a commitment and intentionality to climb to the top of that mountain or the lower ourselves down into the vast well of the unknown.
You have to want to learn the lessons of loss and let them change you rather that you try to control, compartmentalize, and stick on a shelf for never. You have to ask for greater and greater challenges on your heart and soul.
Lastly, you have to have an appreciation for the problems you get to have.
I’ve sworn my life to face the truth about things, have you?
Have a meaningful conversation with someone about death and dying.
Thanks for your time, have a great day!