Sometimes we need complex, objective perspectives to feed ourselves a shift and sometimes we need the most basic, distilled version of our highest priority to regain gravity and orientation. This is the latter version, a basic, raw, foundational principle that leads everything in our lives.
There are two main questions that are at the bottom of most things in life;
Will I be loved?
Is there a place for me?
Your version of these two questions likely has your unique imprint but somewhere deep down they’re a lot like those.
Being loved, I think, means being accepted and honored for who we are. Not who we play a role as but the part thats underneath the performer, game player, strategist that’s trying to get something that we think we don’t deserve.
We seek out love and ask ourselves if we are loved because our perspective and view is that we’re not. Maybe we feel unworthy, undeserving, or insignificant? Even when we’re bombarded by love, at times, we can’t see it or recognize it. There’s a reason for that and the reason is part of the lesson here.
This is what fuels most pursuits and accomplishments in life coming from ego.
More, more, more…
Do, do, do…
Somewhere you lack something that you’re driven to compensate for.
When we want to know if there’s a place for ourselves we’re wanting to to belong. We’re wanting connection and community.
Are these my people?
Do I fit in with this group?
Who do I have to be to gain entrance into this group?
Where does my mental gymnastics need to take me to find my place while possibly betraying myself for who I really am?
Shame is one of the most powerful motivators because of our desire to belong. We fear that if people find out specific information about who we are we may or may not be deemed worthy of connection.
This is where all our secrets and the hidden parts of ourselves are found.
We also create outward projections of approval on parts we don’t accept of ourselves to glamorize the courage of others who powerfully own the parts we suppress. We also project disapproval, judgment, and will ostracize too.
These two things are what we’re all about. If you say you aren’t you’re very likely full of shit. Saying you don’t want or needs these two things is the “sour grapes” cop out that, again, is just another strategy for the fear that we all feel.
What are the two main reasons you’ve used to convince yourself that you’re not lovable?
What terrifies you most about being loves for just who you are?
What do you do to betray yourself for the sake of belonging?
What is the alternate, positive mirror to your go to reason you’re not lovable?
What can you do to powerfully own the part of yourself you hide from others?