Alright… I admit it, one of my biggest struggles has been learning how to connect. And I don’t have it all figured out yet. I feel it’s a lifelong journey to master human connection. I’m up for the task.
Certain connections seem to be pretty easy like when we see eye to eye, or when our realities are almost completely aligned, or when we’re after the same things. That goes for our most intimate relationships as well as our most distant acquaintances. You get this, right?
But what about when we don’t see eye to eye with our lovers, our friends? What happens when we want something different around money? Sex? Where to have dinner? Where to spend holidays?
Then there are people that we’re not that connected to. Then it’s pretty easy to just disregard them in their differences and disengage.
Here’s my question, where’s the sweet spot? When it’s people with varying opinion and realities and somewhere in the middle point of intimacy.
I started giving money away on Sundays at the beginning of the month to “homeless” people. I found out quickly I was making that population the “other”. I’d turned them into a “they”, “them” group to deal with my discomfort in connecting. Am I the only one who does this? No, I’m not.
I wasn’t sure where to experiment would go and that wasn’t the point, I just set the intention to examine the dynamic and set out to learn. First off, at this point, I’ve learned about the tremendous privilege I possess to even conduct such an experiment. A privilege that I gained a deeper appreciation for and to truly honor that I am the to custodian of that privilege.
Here’s my biggest lesson for the week; needing help is the equivalent of leprosy in our society. Being weak, needy, and fragile all have negative connotations to them. Let’s face it, we’ve been given the task of finding power, youth, strength, invincibility, and so on. These are in direct conflict with one another. But we’re not that simple, we’re both and everything in between. The human experience is not dualistic but a paradox.
How are you at entertaining and holding the paradox that you’re presented? Do you hide your weaknesses?