In summer of 2012, my brother died, I became homeless, and my most significant and intimate relationship ended. These events stacked on top of each other and the pain of each compounded to the point of sending me into a breakdown.
Life didn’t make sense in the ways that it used to and what I depended on to provide me gravity was gone. I was adrift and felt alone.
Certain times drastically shift the trajectory of life and are often the pivot points in who we are. They are where one era ends and the next begins. At times it can be where the culmination of lots of time and work in several facets finally levels you up. Maybe you’re in a time like this right now like many are?
While some of these times come in mere moments, or days, others can be over an intense several months or so which was the case for me. In hindsight, it was an accelerated time of growth and evolution. It heavily punctuated an end which then led to a beginning.
I like what Dandapani says,”everything has a beginning, a time of existence, and an end.”
For change to occur there are things that fall into place (or fall apart) for that to happen. Throughout life change is constant and inevitable. Sometimes that’s slow like a turtle and other times we better hold on for dear fucking life. The slowing or accelerating of this is another thing that’s instigated by the power and intensity of the agent(s).
Things that used to bother me were small potatoes compared to the immensity of the grief in that time and after that certain things never bothered me again. And things that I had previously thought were a waste of time turned out to be the most important things in my life after the shift from one era to the next.
In certain circumstances I’m a meticulous and fussy person but when I was younger is was much worse, even to the point of neurosis. I was one of those people that did some weird shit, but here again, after things shifted I wasn’t the same anymore. I just wouldn’t/couldn’t accommodate the space in my brain. What had been important for so long simply became a waste of energy.
What I can say happened from this is that I was tempered-raised to a high temperature and then cooled rapidly so that the internal stress in me became tough and less brittle. That in itself is not the the important part of the process but that I came to deeply know in my bones that I was stronger that I thought I was and the led to the risks I was able to take after being altered. I knew I could withstand stressful and challenging situations so I had greater courage.
So where did I decide to use this strength and courage… to open my heart, to tell the truth all the time, and to not shy away from any grief that came into my sphere, whether my own personally or anyone else’s.
What are you still holding onto that’s stopping your growth?
Where do you need to open your heart more?
Is there something in your life that you’re not making important?
What are you doing with your strength and courage?
Thanks for your time, have a great day!