I was having a conversation with a man yesterday. We were seeking to understand how he brings situations into his life that are a lot like his childhood. (Pro tip-we all do this.) Childhoods are almost always laced with the basic food groups of trauma; betrayal, abandonment, humiliation, and injustice, to name a few.

I’ve worked with a lot of people and I don’t know anyone who’s come out unscathed. For the purposes of this conversation we’re going to go with betrayal as our example. Right, so anyways… when we enter into situations expecting to be betrayed, guess what happens? We find betrayal. We confirm our story and substantiate “what we’ve always known”. The world, people, and in situations, we’ll be betrayed.

Here’s another ingredient, why are we being betrayed? What is it about us that we deserve that? Are we unworthy? Unloveable? Insert your version here_____.

Are you ready for this? Most of our expectations are not based on agreements, they’re based off stories and conversations between us and us.

We create relationships and connections, whether business or personal, and project onto them that they’ll betray us and for specific reasons like we’re not good enough, smart enough, tall enough, beautiful enough, etc. etc. Then we judge the other party for doing this horrible thing to us. They’re unconscious. They don’t care. They’re a horrible person.

Sound familiar? How do we escape this wonderful dynamic? And why would we?

We must seek to see things beyond our stories. Recognize the good in ourselves and others. And quit fucking taking everything so personally. You’re not the center of other people’s universe and they’re not out to ruin your life.

Learn to appropriately separate your emotions from certain situations and attach them to other situations in healthy ways.

Got it? What’s your version of trauma you play out and where did it come from?

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