I’ve battled with believing that I’m smart, that I’m bright. I’ve jumped through many hoops and learned to play lots of games, for the most part, in the name of being perceived a certain way.
To add to that, I’ve had memory problems due to difficulties in achieving REM sleep throughout my life. I’d practice ways to remember certain things, I’d set up sophisticated strategies to come across basically, like I had my shit together.
The point here was that I’d be embarrassed to say I couldn’t remember something or that I didn’t know the answer. A positive step somewhere along the way was that I learned to say,”I don’t know but I’ll get back to you.” I’d find the answers and circle back around.
I’ll remind you here that as humans we need certainty. We’re hardwired to “know” things… even when don’t. Even when we can’t possibly know. Which is not cool about society.
Here’s the drop… we do this to fulfill one of our very deepest needs, to belong.
There are certain things that I don’t need to know, I don’t want to know, and that’s the perfect place to give myself permission to stop believing I have a problem that needs to be solved when I don’t have an answer.
Through countless repetition (80,000-150,000 thoughts each day) it’s really hard let go of the thinking that I’m simply supposed to just know. And from all of this if I don’t know something I sometimes tend to feel helpless, frustrated, and out of control.
I’m probably on an island here but I struggle when I don’t feel like I have it all figured out.
For those of you have some level of distaste for surprises, this might be a reason why. For those of you who struggle with anxiety and control, this my be why. If you fear or feel left out from things being a secret, this might be why. The fetishizing of secrecy is a result of this. (I know a secret, I know a secret… there is no secret.)
The antidote here is curiosity, surrender, and letting go.
The opportunity:
Were you taught that it’s important to have an answer to what people ask you?
How would your life be different if you gave yourself permission to not know?
Where could you let go of other’s expectations to a greater degree?
Thanks for your time, have a great day!