There’s a spectrum that exists around the phenomenon of what we feel like we deserve from the world. I’m willing to say that everything comes down to us deserving love… or not. The games we play about getting things from others and/or getting things from ourselves is often centered around if we think we’re worthy of it. If we don’t feel worthy of love, our expectations reflect that and when it doesn’t exist in our lives we’re not surprised and we don’t stage a revolt. On the other hand, if we do feel we deserve it when it doesn’t exist we don’t stay in environments like that.
I believe that everyone has and will continue to face the concept of worthiness around love, connection, belonging, and acceptance. As humans we’re imprinted with negative beliefs when we’re children that we’re unlovable, that we’re don’t belong, we’re unworthy of connection, and that who we are deep in our core is unacceptable. This is shame and it’s one of the most powerful sensations we can experience.
Even deeper than our human needs which are connection, significance, certainty, uncertainty, growth, and contribution are these core needs totally vital to our existence.
Love and belonging. Is there a place for me?
Along the lines of love, belonging, and worthiness we play some amazing games to try gain these things. There’s a broad difference between acting like we deserve it and knowing we deserve it. Acting like we deserves it involves games, schemes, and complex strategies bent of managing perceptions to gain the things we so desperately want and are actually acting in spite of a belief the we don’t deserve it. Knowing we deserve love and acceptance is a solid, calm, knowing that who we are as a human is simply enough to receive that from the world. We don’t have to perform, buy, or convince anyone to give that to us. This is not in because we don’t have any flaws but because we accept our flaws.
And like I talked about a few weeks ago, we sabotage our key relationships because we’re afraid that we won’t be loved so we preemptively pull the rip cord and create separation and disconnection before it can happen outside our own deciding of it.
What do you want to be seen, blessed, affirmed, witnesses, recognized, honored, or loved for?
How can you keep those things more in your conscious mind?
Who can you show you accept more?
Who can you show that they belong more?