Last week I described a phenomenon that happens in relationships called the drama triangle. This is as common as Starbucks, there’s one on every corner all over the world.
I asked on my Facebook live video what people use to escape the drama triangle and I received some ideas and tactics for circumventing the dysfunction.
This is what some of you said;
Focus
Compartmentalize
Still my mind. Drop to my heart. Look deeper. What is she really saying?
Go to assertive, caring, and vulnerable.
I focus on being a creator instead of consumer.
I focus on service rather than sacrifice.
The “hero” is a classic archetype that lives in all of us in some variation. We’re all hardwired to help, fix, save and serve. It’s no wonder we have things in society like a hero complex or savior complex. Don’t get me wrong these also have wonderful, healthy facets to them…that’s not what I’m referring to here.
One of the main ways I believe we can escape the drama triangle is through stating boundaries and then upholding those. These two practices can be difficult because when a person states and upholds boundaries they can be placed in the role of the villain. It’s a drag to be made a villain out of.
There’s a specific part of us that needs to be brought online in order to make boundaries known and upheld-the warrior. A warrior entity lives in all of us and is the aspect of us that carries out orders, makes things happen, stays focused, contains certain situations and creates safety and protects us.
There are some important precursors to stating boundaries that I want to note. One is that we need to be clear about who we are and what we want. That solidifies the knowing of what we’re willing to do and not willing to do. Knowing who we are allows us to live with our values and principals out in front of us. So it’s also important that our identity is clear to us.
A very important ingredient to stating boundaries and upholding them is elegance. How we interact with others in our lives and state our expectations and parameters can be done sloppy and harshly or it can be done with care and elegance. More on that later…
In the next couple weeks I’m going to share some of my thoughts on “Elegance” and “Harmony” so stay tuned.