Why does compassion feel like it takes so much energy?
Connection/love is one of the cornerstones of life. You could deny it but that would be ridiculous. I know I for one have spent a part of my life thinking, acting, and making choices that were counter to that.
“I don’t need anyone.”
“Why bother, people just disappoint you at some point.”
“I prefer to be alone.”
“I’m just super independent.”
Here’s the story I’ve got for you and it’s a pretty good one. We struggle with human connection. We also, quite frankly, struggle to connect with ourselves but it might be better to a have conversation about that in a later post.
Connections cause us to feel everything exponentially greater. We’re hard wired for this. Sadness…deeper. Happiness…higher. Anger…well…you know what I’m talking about. Shame is a peculiar little animal that can dictate us connecting with others at all.
Here’s the catch and I don’t think I’m alone here; I struggled for a long time and am still learning how to have the appropriate level of emotional connection. I’ve felt overly emotionally connected and I’ve certainly felt under attached. Sometimes even felt like a bit of a sociopath with no regard for my connections with others.
Here’s the little nugget I’ve got for you; and for the sake of the conversation these are just words to help describe a dynamic and you’re free to think what you want.
When we’re overly emotionally involved we feel immeshed and unable to serve, support, relate or keep a fortified physic infrastructure due to being swayed, swept and getting the shit kicked out of us when attempting to connect. I’m going to call too much of this unhealthy and dysfunctional.
When we’re moderately connected we “feel” the person, empathize with them and are still able to make relatively sound decisions when in their sphere. We don’t overcompensate, give our power away or betray ourselves. This certainly has it’s places.
When we’re minimally attached and/or generally detached we’re less concerned with how we impact another person. This can good and it can also lead to come issues. We don’t concern ourselves with what they experience because of us and we are unable to be swayed in how we feel by them. Who has shown up this way when a little more empathy would’ve been more suitable?
These ideas are something to think about when it comes to how others do this with us and how we do this with others. We want some of each of these going both ways at times with the appropriate people in our lives.