The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand at times of challenge and controversy. -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
In times of conflict and controversy we have a HUGE preference to choose comfort. Most of us will go to great lengths to control every facet of our lives to stay relaxed, snug, and cozy.
Why would anyone go against what is our natural aversion to strain or stress?
One word… growth.
Whether we’re in control of the struggle we’re experiencing or not growth is possible from it. The answer is easy and it’s one of our societies great challenges. We can’t have growth without struggle. It simply just won’t happen.
And even more apparent is that we can’t evolve or have greater levels of intimacy with partners, money in our bank account, or have that sexy beach bod (if you’re a shallow egomaniac like me) without some level of discomfort and pain. The most important things we seek require development and adaptation through some level of slight irritation or from all out torment.
There’s a part of our brain/mind/psyche or whatever the hell you want to call it that puts the breaks on all changes and uncertainty. Call it your risk manager, your protector, or some other name but the duty of this part of ourselves is to keep things the same. And depending the grip this part has on our lives it can mean that under no circumstances will we drift from certainty. Even if our lives are horrible we will keep it the same because it’s familiar and we equate familiar with safe.
I’ve talked about certainty and uncertainty before. If you could see me right now you’d see that I’m blue in the face. It’s a major cornerstone of my own personal work as well as what I teach others.
This “aversion” I’m talking about shows up in everyone. I don’t care who you are. That powerful force that keeps us out of mortal or social “harms way” will stop us from telling someone we love them, apologizing for doing something fucked up, controlling our money, food, fitness, or anything else when it comes to doing what we don’t want to do.
We surrender to our comfort again and again and again. It’s where addictions are, laziness is, numbness, sabotage, and our entire bag of tricks come back to staying the same, being comfortable, and seeking certainty. Why don’t we instead shape and control our lives towards tension and discomfort so we grow and evolve?
Don’t get me wrong, we need a measure of certainty. It’s an important, natural, human need and we all hunger for it. Once we have that level of certainty though anything beyond is will make warmth, pleasure, and luxury our captor. Unfortunately mediocrity in our most important ventures becomes our copilot. Think about that for a second and look at some of your results in getting what you truly want.
What I’m talking about is embracing the ache of your heart and the anguish from the gap between who we are and who we know we can be. Quit trying to make it go away. When we get to live with such abundance and coziness all the time we aught to even seek struggle through challenging situations.
I’m not talking about martyrdom or masochism. If that’s your kink that’s a different story but what I’m saying it that we have to embrace struggle. If we keep trying to change our world to fit us rather than change us to fit our world we won’t find fulfillment or higher states of consciousness.
The opportunity:
What are you controlling in your life to stay comfortable?
Are you in a relationship that you won’t/can’t terminate?
Do you have an employee where you’ve been drawing out the termination?
Why aren’t you developing deeper an deeper intimacy with the people that deserve it in your life?