I’m forty four years old. Something that has become more and more evident is that I’ve lost my way around how to have fun. I’ve spent some time inquiring within and have a few ideas about how and why I’ve become so serious.
I’ve also started to look at others in my sphere to see how this is impacting them too. At first I thought it was strictly a male thing. Or maybe is has to do with “toxic masculinity” which in some ways, I’m sure it does. But I see this across gender although it seems more likely in men.
I believe that “deserve” comes into the picture on this. Most of us have been trained to work hard first and only then do we get to play. Insert whatever your imprinted message from your family here______. I like that and it makes sense but in a world where the baseline is shame and there’s virtually nothing we can do to belong or be worthy of love the work is NEVER fucking done.
We live in a world that celebrates not taking our vacation days and being a workaholic so it’s coming at us from multiple directions. This is causing me and us to miss the boat. The phenomenon of “do this so we get that” is getting engrained deeper and deeper. I had a client say to me “If I’m perfect then I can be loved.” It rang true for me too and could recognize that as such a common thing. Fuck that!
Pain is coming for all of us. I say this all the time. I don’t think it’s pessimistic, it’s absolutely true. All that’s important to us is going to die. Maybe though, just maybe… if I don’t allow myself to have too much fun or experience too much pleasure it won’t hurt so bad because the fall isn’t as far.
Or maybe if I don’t expect love or joy then I’ll never be disappointed. Being discontent or seeing the cup as half empty is a common strategy for managing the failures and loss that are sure to come my way.
But it’s not working anymore. I’m willing to fall and I’m willing to suffer the loss of love. I’m emotionally strong enough to deal with the pain of those things and to take the risk of keeping my heart open and experiencing happiness, love, and pleasure.
I’m safe enough to stop inhibiting pleasure and I don’t need permission anymore.
The opportunity:
Where do you need to allow yourself to be more childlike?
How do you limit your sexual pleasure?
Where are you too serious?
Thanks for your time, have a great day!