I’ve recently talked about “experiencing” life. The idea being that we avoid living fully when we suppress, repress, and merely express certain things about our story, our past, or traumatic events.
An example in real life that I want to share with you is about pleasure and fun. I’ve been accused of not being very much fun. Too serious, guarded, controlling, etc. and there certainly is some truth to that. Lots in my past and still going on from time to time. I’m not cured yet.
There are many reasons why this is, having fun isn’t macho. I’m a recovering tough guy and I can tell you that being seen laughing, playing, and having a good time was viewed as being weak. I was afraid that I’d be caught off guard by “the enemy”. And you know… we must never be caught off guard…
Fun was an idea at best. I could be amused and somewhat entertained. I knew how to be angry, numb, and maybe a tad of fun but I acted like I didn’t like it. Many people live their lives this way including me and this is not a way to live.
When managing negativity in life a great way is to numb out and NOT live in our bodies. And it’s a smart approach. It does save us from pain. Who wants to feel shitty. I mean, we do at some level and that’s why we choose it but it’s often linked to numerous excuses like: we don’t deserve pleasure, we can’t have it all, and others.
So how the hell are you supposed to experience pleasure if you’re numb? Riddle me this, Batman. What I’m suggesting is that fun is in our heads for the most part, it can kind of sink down below our necks but pleasure is something that happens in our entire being and it’s something that I argue even happens beyond the confines of our skin.
But… you have to be willing to feel, you have to relearn how to experience. This is the art of sensuality.
I’ve worked hard to know that I’m pretty average and that I’m like most other people in the world. My needs are the same, my thoughts are pretty similar, and I haven’t ever done anything that anyone else hasn’t done before me. I could choose to experience shame… or not. Shame. It’s the fun suck, pleasure ruiner that manhandles a lot of us. The what ifs, the fear of being ourselves, and the abandonment of our deeper intuition on how to be in our bodies, experience pleasure, and have a good time.
Get in your body, roar with pleasure, feel what you’re actually capable of.
Take an orange (or some other food), close your eyes and smell it.
Squeeze it in your hands and feel your fingers sink into it.
Smell it again.
Now taste it.
Suck on it.
Bite into it.
Hold it in your mouth.
Now go do that in your life.
Thanks for your time, have a great day!