I’ve been all over the world and connected with every kind of person you can possibly imagine. (For real) One of the many commonalities is that we’re afraid. Yeah, me included. Brilliant, beautiful, rich, young, old, and people that we all believe to be perfect and amazing all feel like they’re “less than” sometimes.
Your inadequacies, yes you have plenty, are no excuse to think you won’t be loved or belong. None of us are immune to making up an amazing drama about when, why, and how we’ll be abandoned and rejected.
At the root of all our fears is this question, “What potential negative outcome awaits me in my future?” Broken down again, “What is important to me and how will I feel the loss from its termination or end?” no matter the details of that end.
The plot thickens…
In an attempt to manage our fears we employ a cast of characters to sabotage and keep people away, be pitiful and play the victim try to get sympathy, perform through service in anything from chores to sex to… you name it.
This is where we settle into getting our needs partially met and keeping plenty of distance from actually being who we are and having a deep knowing that the right people will gravitate to our pure essence and we’ll find “our people”.
Another common salve…
Numbness is our good ole standby. Checking out by whatever flavor of the day we choose to disappear. You know the one. That one. The legal ones, the illegal ones, the taboos, the ones you shame yourself for exercising. Oh yeah… shame. That’s one of our best ways to stay small, don’t take risks, feel less than, be less than, and not lean into love in all it’s terrorizing glory.
Numbness’s side kick is hyperarousal. Feel so much you don’t feel anything else. I love this one. Definitely one of my favorites. I can escape feeling anything negative when I’m going 147MPH on my motorcycle and my body is flooded with adrenalin going through the gears AND traffic.
The trouble is we all think we have a choice. We don’t, we have to move towards being seen as our true selves. Taking the risk to be annihilated by love… which is pretty arousing in itself. Shrinking back, sabotaging our connections over and over again is not how to live. Worrying about our “stuff” and trying to be perfect is just a detour where you can get lost again and again but it’s not really living.
The opportunity:
What is a small, measured risk you can do with your heart today?
What fear about the future can you release your death grip on right now?
How can you polish the groove back to your quiet place where you feel safe, secure, and willing to open up to love?
Thanks for your time, have a great day!