Let’s talk about power. The power game is as old as humanity. Power is something that’s a part of everyone’s daily life. We play with it. We argue over it. We fight sometimes to the death for it. It’s at work. It’s in sports. It’s in the bedroom. We trade it back and forth as a commodity to get what we want or to get other’s to do what we want.
We can’t have a conversation about power without also talking about powerlessness. I’m not going to go out into the big Meta-issues around cultural or institutional power and privilege today but likely in the future. Today I want to talk about interpersonal exchanges and especially how that happens in families as we grow up.
- How and why do we relinquish power?
- What does it mean to empower someone?
- Empowering someone can only be done from a place of power, right?
- What does it mean to disempower someone?
- Can the only person to disempower ourselves be us?
I’ve recently become aware of just how powerless I can be in life and what some of the deeper reasons for that. For starters I like being powerless for all the wonderful benefits like that I get to be a victim. I get to blame others and not be responsible or accountable. I’m at the mercy of the world and others around me. It’s great!
Frustrations, hopelessness, and powerlessness are the entry points for power struggle. We know we’re near or in the power game when we’re feeling one of those or others. I know I’m especially near when I’m perturbed or getting angry. Anger sure does feel powerful to experience. I recognize that sometimes we give our power away just so we can get angry. We choose that. It may not be conscious but I’m seeing it more and more in myself.
Another dynamic I see in the world is this delusional framework where I “unknowingly” give my power away and then the person who I’ve given it to gives me a small portion back and “empowers” me. That way anytime I need some I go to them and they dish a little out so I can have something I want or do something I really want to do. It’s great. In that model though, both are involved and there’s no clear articulation about this whole construct taking place.
When I was a wee lad I was taught and trained in all these things that still thirty or so years later I’m playing the game by the same rules. (A bit outdated I’d say…) When we’re being indoctrinated into the game of power by our loved ones, family, and social circle there are buttons, levers, and dials installed. Those things make up a switchboard that someone sits right down to and can then have control over us, if we choose to let them.
This is why our family is so good and pushing our buttons… because they installed them.
Most of the people in my life are constantly looking to understand that switchboard and make updates and modifications so that the quality of the power games are more enjoyable and interesting.
The opportunity:
Where are you giving your power away?
What do you get from relinquishing your power?
What would happen is you quit giving your power away?
Thanks for your time, have a good day!