I redid last weeks workout on Monday. In the late morning and for a couple hours before I did it I was nervous as hell and scared. During those couple hours leading up to the redo on Monday I was extremely tense and it took a lot just to access my tools for managing stress and being as calm as possible.
I knew it was going to be difficult. I also knew I could do better. I started to feel like I was letting people down if I don’t do well and that all the effort would be for nothing. I didn’t feel like I deserved the love and support I’d gotten. I began to bargain…I had thoughts that I didn’t really care that much, that I didn’t truly want it. Or…it was all stupid.
Honestly, what’s going on at a physical level really isn’t the most interesting part of all this for me. I’m interested in how to stay calm. I’m curious about what exerting effort really means. And the art of managing the mental chatter that gets it’s claws in me and takes me for a ride from time to time. These deeper understandings are transferable skills in life. For me, effort happens in my mind.
Most have heard it many times, the body can do so much more than we think. If only we know how to play the mental game well enough to push ourselves there. There must be something to it because I continue to hear and see things like;
“How To Dig Deep: You’re Stronger Than You Think”
The 40% rule: A Navy SEAL’s Secret to Mental Toughness.”
“Your Physical Limits Reveal Your Mental Limits/IMPOSSIBLE”
And so on…
There’s certainly something to be said for building mental toughness. There’s something to be said for not giving up and for building a pattern for pushing through when we hurt or the bargaining starts to happen. I say “we” but really you may not care. It’s important to me.
Today I did the second workout of the five for the open. I wasn’t as nervous and came in a lot more calm. I also keep telling myself to have fun. I swear those things alone are game changers.
I’m still learning lots about my “self talk”. For the sake of the conversation I’ll lay out some metrics. I go deep into my ability to suffer and continue to expend energy. I may be delusional but I try to perform close to a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. Afterwards, I often tell myself I had more and should have done better. That I screwed around and rested too much. I should’ve pushed harder. While others might perform at a 6 and tell themselves that’s all they had. I really can’t tell you which of these are the better dynamic but I think it’s probably somewhere in the middle. A good message is more like this, “I give all I have and I accept it.” “I’m proud of myself.” And then I move the fuck on.
I plan to do this weeks workout again.