The positive effects of having confidence in ourselves and the negative effects of not are an absolute pillar of are existence. I might even say we’re wholly built off our ability to trust in us doing what we say to ourselves we will.
Here are a few words and traits that have everything to do with both sides of the spectrum; decisiveness, clarity, accomplishment, and knowing are on one side and doubt, paralysis, anxiety, and trepidation are on the other. We all spend time on both sides of the spectrum but we can engineer our lives to move towards more and more time in the place on the spectrum where we want.
Trusting others and trusting ourselves is very much alike. They both require doing what we say we will, taking responsibility when we don’t, building a track record of reliability, examining our deeper motives and agenda, and doing what you know you should even when no one is around.
We lie to ourselves all the time. Our thoughts can often be crushing us with negative, false ideas. We make commitments or tell ourselves we’re going to do something and then we don’t. We often are actually practicing failure. We do the same thing over and over and over building a pattern of not doing what we set out to do. It corrodes our thoughts of what we think we can do and eventually we stop trying or limit our efforts.
I’m stopping_____… tomorrow… next week… next month… when it’s easier.
I will eat better.
I’m going to finish those reports, emails, calls, etc etc.
I commit to lose 10#, 20# 50#.
I vow to love you forever.
Get in shape.
Learn a language.
Spend more time with my_____.
Commitment is the thing that makes you follow through on the thing you said you’d do long after the feeling is gone when you made the commitment. We get ourselves all excited and feel inspired to do or not do something and then after some amount of time that inspiration fades and we’re left with that voice that says,”I don’t want to do this anymore.” ”This is hard.” ”I can’t do it.” If you don’t follow through on commitments you should know that about yourself. Deep down inside you know you’re full of shit. When you kid yourself and act like you’re not and don’t have a problem it keeps going downhill from there. If you’re a quitter you should know you are and face that and if you’re not even willing to face being a quitter then you have even more work.
Another lovely little dynamic is when we let other people tell us stuff we know is bogus and we let them convince us of something other than what we know to be true we then start or continue to distrust ourselves. We put others thoughts, perspective, opinions in front of our own so they’ll provide something for us. We sell out and betray ourselves and it becomes a habit. We stop being able to sit down, be with our thoughts, and arrive at decisions on our own.
So… here’s the deal; start building a habit of doing what you say you will, start telling yourself the truth about what you’re not doing that you know you should and face it, get clear on what you really want and be wiling to accept yourself for it, and tell the truth, with compassion when possible, all the time.