Gosh, so much potent and juicy potential here when it comes to telling the truth. Let’s face it we’re all fucking liars. When it gets right down to it it’s very simple why we lie. And like a lot of things in life it’s simple to recognize but not easy to change. Last week I talked about alternate realities and unhealthy ways of managing perceptions and this week I told you I’d share a bit about how to get more aligned.
I believe that this process takes about two years to do. Hold on and hear me out. That’s about how long it took me and I’d say I’m still teetering in and out of congruence. So sue me. Two years is a marathon so preparation, training, patterns, and building a capacity is necessary. Enjoy the ride.
We surround ourselves with people that substantiate our reality. This is human and normal. We unconsciously transmit our expected reverberations with the people around us. It will take time to undo and/or recreate those unconscious transmissions in pretty much every single relationship. All those patterns and triggers, all those loops and reactions. You’ll have to slow down enough to not react from your automatic defaults that are rooted in the old you.
Most of your old reactions and defaults are not deeply rooted or congruent with the “real” you. As we evolve what we want from other people changes. When we’re trying to get something from people the stories we tell get skewed. (Like me, accept me, give me attention, put me on a pedestal, etc etc…) Mind you, there’s an exchange happening… both parties play the game and collaborate in the transaction. Another snake pit in the truth telling game is the idea that we withhold the truth because we don’t want to hurt someones feelings. This could also be read as they’ll get upset and not want to connect with me anymore.
Just take a second and think about all this for a minute. Think about this dynamic at work, in our personal, intimate relationships, our family, with the organizations we’re involved in, what we observe everywhere. What need is driving this persons story? What need is driving my story? And… what lengths are we all willing to go to get that need met?
An important point here is that this doesn’t mean that we should disclose everything about ourselves to everyone. Not everyone deserves to know our whole story and our deepest truth. You can say something like this,”I’m not ready to reveal those things about myself right now or yet.”
I’ve been talking a lot about the causes and dynamics because I firmly believe that if we don’t have a clear understanding of why we do what we do then we’re very unlikely to be able to change it.
So here are some basics on getting more congruent;
Be prepared to rock the boat. You’re introducing a new version of yourself and reality that will upset the balance and create uncertainty and destabilize your world. People may be repelled by you and your connections will shift. Some will go away so you’ll face some grief and some will be attracted towards you and you’ll form new connections.
Some reparations will be required meaning proactive, engineered conversations where you own some shit and get aligned moving forward, if there is a forward.
And there will be the need to visualize and anticipate your future and speak, behave and live holding fast to the deeper truth in real time.
What are some of the big things you think you’ll lose if you reveal the deeper parts of yourself?
How do you shape your story to get what you need?
What are some of the needs you’re trying to get met when you do that?
Thanks for your time, have a great day and weekend.