In the last week I’ve gotten to have a really good look, again, at being worthy. Within my own life and in several different conversations.
People are made up of many different voices and parts. The different voices are constantly telling us contradicting messages. One of those voices has most people believe, at least some of the time, that the world is full of abundance and love, that we’re surrounded by blessings. They also believe those blessings are for everyone all the time. I like this voice and this reality but it’s also risky.
On Wednesday I got married. Yeah, thank you. I’ve been with Phoebe for almost six years. We’ve been through all sorts of ups and downs. We’ve proven to one another that we love each other, we’re there for each other, and that these things provided are basically without condition. For all my shortcomings, I’ve somehow been granted the stamp of “worthiness”. She has shown me and told me that I’m worth her love, her time, her attention, her commitment to a lifetime together.
Here’s where shit gets real…
Sometimes no matter what she’s says or does, I don’t feel worthy. I don’t do enough, produce enough, or provide enough, not talented enough, I’m not not smart enough, or ripped enough to make myself worthy. Somewhere and somehow I’ve developed a threshold of imaginary parameters that I’m constantly falling short on.
I have a very good friend and colleague that’s been in transition from corporate world work to truly finding his calling and purpose on this planet. Anybody else prefer to just put your shoulder into a massive task or workload and work like an ox? He does all sorts of contract work to stay busy, be useful, make money, and above all else to fucking produce.
No production = not worthy = not loved.
***Pro tip… we all want to be loved.***
In his mind, his wife being the primary bread winner during this time completely cancels out everything else and deems him “unworthy”.
Another example is someone who has created passive income at a young age and basically doesn’t have to work, doesn’t have to do much other than tweak out, smoke pot and work on different ventures that don’t require much of their time. Guess what… they feel worthless and like they just take up space.
Hopefully by now you’ve recognized your own version of this dynamic. So next is to understand why and then to figure how to fix this shit.
It’s easier to feel unworthy than it is to feel worthy. It’s easier to feel non deserving than it is to feel like we’ve been born into a world that’s generous and loving. You’ll be disappointed way less if you expect negativity or for people to withhold or hold back. We actually all want to predict the future. We want to imagine how things are going to unfold and for it to happen that way. As crazy as it is, we’re looking to be able to confirm what we believe with reality even if it’s fucked.
The solution is to actually risk believing in a world that’s good. To actually risk believing that people are generous, loving, and good at heart. It’s time to start taking risks and facing what happens in our hearts and minds when we’re disappointed. You’re strong enough to deal with disappointment.
“If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” — Goethe
Thanks for your time. Have a great day.