Disappointment also known as sadness which equals not getting what I/we want. My my my…
I’m in South Africa right right now. I went out for dinner last night and before heading to the restaurant I had a look at the menu online. I got excited when I saw the restaurant’s cocktail menu. I’ve turned into quite the cocktail aficionado during covid and they are my preference when I imbibe. I’ve spent a bit of time in different places around the world so I’m aware that things are different, like cocktails, depending on where I am. And… I conveniently forget this…
I’m spoiled at home in Denver with a couple of really great cocktail bars where they know me and I’ve grown accustomed to their style. One place where they really know what I like is in my own home. (Crazy, right?!?) I tell you all of this before I let you know how the evening ended in me being disappointed here in Cape Town. I wanted something specific, didn’t get it, kept my mind fixed on what I wanted (fixed mindset), and rode it way too far into the experience. But why? What’s stopping me from moving the fuck on and forgetting about my fixation with the specific thing I had in mind?
There are times where I give up way too soon when it comes to asking for or asserting myself to get what I want and there are times where I hold on too long. Way too long, which is common for me. When I hold on too long my mind grinds against me and my experience in life is disappointing.
So I must love it, right? I don’t like this but I keep thinking about it. Mmmm… I say I’m a powerful, capable, smart person so why do I keep doing that? When I chill out, relax, and access certain parts of my mind it has a tendency to take me back to that same feeling and the experiences or situations where I get to feel it again and again. Why?
Lately when these memories of negative experiences are coming up in meditation I’ve allowed myself to accept that I like it. I firmly believe that when we don’t like the outcomes we experience we feel powerless. When I/we feel powerless we want to figure out how to not be. We’ll even go so far as to obsess over an experience that’s gone and in the past to try to rewrite it. How many of you have succeeded at that?
The last wrinkle I’ll add here is that there are certain energies and frequencies that we’re addicted to. (Anger, fear, shame, powerlessness, etc, etc). We like it. I like being powerless. If/when I’m powerless I get to be aligned with my unhealthy and negative beliefs I have of myself. This might not be exactly you, it could be some other version but the deal is this, if you’re repeatedly feeling negative thoughts and experiencing disappointment it’s because that’s what you’re choosing.
I try to base my life around operating at higher and higher consciousness levels. I strive to do better and better AND… I fail often. I find myself consuming precious energy by focusing on things that need to be laid down.
The opportunity:
Do you usually hold on too long or give up too fast with things in life?
Can you see where you choose to be unhappy?
Why do you/we keep bringing negativity back into our minds?
Is it a stretch for you to own that you like experiencing powerlessness, fear, or some other negative sensations?
Thanks for your time, have a great day!